Where do I go from here?

This story has three parts: The End, The Arrival, and The Beginning.
The End
So. I am now a college graduate. I haven't officially received my diploma (won't until after I "walk"), but everything is set. I will say that I am quite proud of my achievement. Because of this, I will even tell you what my overall GPA came out to be.
This is really hard to do.
Did I mention that I have just about achieved a 4.0 every semester since getting pregnant with the Queen? Yes, I am delaying.
Okay, a 3.79. Ahhh. That feels better.
I might be proud of finishing school strong, but the best part of it all? Our family is finally reunited.

The Arrival
We chose the best time to come to Sacramento. The other day we reached a record high--108 degrees. Plus humidity. I am a wimp when I feel any type of humidity. I am from Utah and Idaho, what do you expect? The heat sure beats all the rain I left behind in Provo, though.
After driving all night--leaving at 5 pm and arriving at 4 am--I embraced my dear B. (The Queen was sleeping). I missed him. Everything about him. I was completely exhausted. But, I was ecstatic. I was with my sweet husband. The separation was horrible, but seeing him again was like waking up from a wonderful dream. The Queen woke and quickly showed B. she had not forgotten who he was. She began to say dadada again, something she had stopped saying after his departure. It was so amazing to watch as father and daughter embraced each other. Yes, the Queen even let B. hug her. She snuggled him.


Everything was very romantic--Jane Austenish if you will. I do love Jane Austen. We put the darling to bed (as it was 4 am) and allowed ourselves to remember how much we love each other. I am so grateful to be back with my knight. He does slay all my dragons. He also rescued me from the painful loneliness and torn apart feeling that began as soon as his trek to California started.
The next day, I was a little dazed. 2 hours of sleep will do that to you. I realized, I am now at the point I had longed for since B. left--I am a real stay-at-home mom.
The Beginning
It might seem strange that I put the beginning at the end. But, this is how I feel going from college mom to stay-at-home mom.
The second day of my arrival (after my sleep exhaustion began to wear off), I looked at the Queen. She looked at me. I said "well, now what do we do?". She just smiled and took off running--or crawling--if you have seen how fast this girl can go, you would call it running too--toward the dog food dish. The battle had begun.
I really did not know what to do as a certified stay-at-home mom. Do I read to my girl? Do I talk to her? Do I just watch her play? I didn't know. In fact, I felt quite incompetent. How can I feel that way after I just finished my degree in Marriage, Family, and Human Development? I thought I learned everything about becoming a mom. Also, weren't these feelings supposed to occur when I first bring her home from the hospital? They did, sort of, at that time. But, I had my school role to fulfill. Thus, mommy role was not an issue then like it is now. I hope you know what I mean. Anyway, I felt quite incompetent. I tried to remember everything I learned in class. It didn't work. So, the first day I just kind of watched her. Made sure she did not kill herself or eat all the dog food.
After awhile, all my insecurities began to show forth. B. noticed right away. I am quite transparent to him. I would say something and he would respond with "You are afraid people think you are a bad mom, you think you are a bad mom." He is quite insightful. Of course I was, am, afraid of that. I have to prove that my degree was not a waste. I am capable. I am competing against an imaginary component.
What do I do? At least I can answer that. I am finally beginning to understand mommy life. I am not perfect, but I am trying. I love my daughter to pieces. She is a ball of energy. Seriously. When B. comes home at night, I am completely exhausted from the Queen's many escapades...or shall I say escapes?. Some days I feel I have been kicked all day. Okay, I have. Not from the Queen. From my other baby.
This is my beginning. I have turned to a new chapter in my life. It's about time! I am finding out how I can be the best mother to the Queen and the rest of my future children. Sometimes I would love to just turn to the end and find out what happens. However, if I don't start at the beginning I will never learn the lessons at the end.

P.S. All the pictures of us dressed up as pirates are not pre-Halloween. We went to GGMel's pirate party last Saturday. It was awesome! We had so much fun dancing and hanging out with our family. We also loved finding costumes. The Queen was wearing an eye patch. She protested enough that we took it off. Thank you GGMel and Papa Wayne for the fantastic party!