Perhaps A Little is Okay

After a moving fiasco, we are finally  moved into our new place. We still have a few unpacked boxes, but our living room and kitchen are completely clear of boxes and are wonderfully spacious! We are all so very happy with the amount of extra space we have to move around. The Queen enjoys running around (literally running!!) and discovering all the cool things our new apartment has. She has become even more active and vocal within the short time of us living here.
I used to dream about having millions of dollars. I would list what I would do with all that money and find myself quite dispirited after each episode. I purged myself of that habit shortly before marrying Mr. B. I figured that the whole process would leave me down trodden and was very useless. I know that our tenure as very poor students will be short in the scheme of Eternity, so dwelling on what we don't have/what we can't do is unwise. That isn't to say I didn't have my moments, especially at times when Mr. B. and I were worried about paying for some mechanical bill or other emergency. But, I feel it unnecessary to bring myself and my husband down. 
That attitude helped me stay in our old apartment. I knew that eventually I would have a double kitchen sink, a separate kitchen, and 2 actual bedrooms, but at that moment we needed to stay in our apartment. Now that we are in our new apartment, I feel so grateful that I can compare our current living situation with our old and feel confident in our decision.
I try and apply this same philosophy in other areas of my life with varying degrees of failure. For example, my future children. I am strange. I have a desire to have a big family. How many? Well, I can't say for sure, but I will be happy with however many the Lord sends us. I have had many "looks" when I talk about having a dozen children. Why do you want that many? Insinuations of not being able to handle it, or of being selfish by using Earth's resources unwisely by bringing more people into the already overcrowded world, are thrown my way. Not to mention staying at home with all those kids. Who would do that? I could go on, but I think you get the idea. So, how does this connect to my philosophy? I will get to that, after I answer the question of why I want so many children.
The root is in my religious beliefs. To fulfill Heavenly Father's Plan of Salvation, we must obtain a body, among other things. Thus, children will be sent to Earth because of their need to gain a body. Either they will go to a family that loves them and will care for them, or to a family that does not take care of them.  I feel that since I have the aptitude to love and care for children, I would be able to bless the lives of any and all children sent my way. I know that Mr. B. will provide for them physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I know we will do all we can for every child in our home.
Psalms 127:3-5 describes my feelings very well,
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruits of the womb are his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them...
I understand this and other scriptures regarding children so well now that I have the Queen. Even if my day has gone horribly, her cute smiles, exuberance, and absolute love of the world (and me) always lifts my spirits.  I may not fantasize about having lots of money, but I do fantasize about having a big family.  Unfortunately, my pregnancies are incredibly difficult. I realize now that I may not have the energy required to take care of other children while being pregnant. As silly as it sounds, I feel devastated. I still don't know how many kids we will end up with, but I have to take into consideration my health.
So, Mr. B. has been trying to teach me that I need to stop fantasizing about something that may be impractical. I understand. Really, I do. I think that this understanding will help me listen to the Lord's promptings a little more closely. I mean, He is the Big Guy who knows everything. I need to trust that He will lead me down the right paths.
The novelty of our new place will undoubtedly wear off. I, or Mr. B., will think of bigger and better things. But, I hope that  I can always remember our first place and its many challenges.
Our new baby will be here in a couple of months (so soon!!!). After that, I will give my body a chance to rest. Perhaps that rest will give my body the energy to have a dozen more, or a few more. Whatever the number, I will be glad to welcome any angel into our home.