The Sleep Myth

When Ben and I were expecting Emily, along with the congratulations, people would counsel that we "get our sleep now, because you're going to need it!!"  It really bugged me.  It still bugs me.  When I hear that "advice" I want to ask, is that what it's all about? The LOST sleep??  How about--"Oh, that is so exciting!! Having a baby changes you.  Your life starts revolving around someone else and you make the necessary adjustments."  Because, let me tell you, that advice is much better than "get your sleep now." Besides, how many women are actually sleeping during their last trimester?  I know I didn't. Those freaking pre-term contractions made sure of that.

Naturally the sleep issue is a hot topic amongst mothers. When I talk with a friend about our babies, we ask "how is he/she sleeping?"  We exchange sleep information for 3/4 of our conversation and then turn to other things like nursing or developmental things.

This makes sense.  When you have a baby, you no longer have control about sleep things.  Your baby dictates whether you sleep or not.  It can be tiring (ok EXHAUSTING) but for the most part you make it through alive.  Eventually, the baby figures out their sleep thing and all of you come out happy.

What really gets me is the recommendations I receive when I complain about sleep.  Usually, people recommend the same 2 books.  Unbenownst to them, I loathe these books. I read a few pages out of once for curiosity's sake, and was appalled at the deterministic approach.  The bottom line was if your baby doesn't sleep now, he/she will never sleep.  Ever.  You are ruining your baby's life if you do not follow my advice.  A bit extreme? Maybe. Maybe not. 

I figured out Emily's sleep patterns without the aide of a book.  I just worked with her.  I am not going to tell you what I did, but  I will tell you that I had to adjust my method.  Many times. The thing is, sleep patterns are interrupted for a variety of things: teething, arrival of new brother/sister, changing sleep times, and even vacationing.  It is tough, but once I learned to go with the flow, I wasn't as frustrated with the interruptions.  At least not every time.

Andrew is completely different from Emily.  His current sleep interruptions have to do with his refusal to nurse during the day.  (Don't ask.  We have tried everything.  Believe me.)  Thus, at night time he is starving.  I understand.  I am tired and somewhat grumpy, but I understand.  The funny thing is, I don't really think about the lost sleep.  Unless you ask me about it.  Then I complain. Really, what else can I do? Just kidding. 

Now, when I hear about people expecting their first baby, I refuse to talk about the sleep thing.  Unless they ask.  Then I will tell them that yes, you do lose sleep. For the most part, though, you are so absorbed with your tiny miracle that you don't really notice it.  Because that, my friends, is the truth.  At least in my eyes.

I will step off my soap box.  (I know.  I usually reserve this kind of writing for my other blog, but I wanted to post it here just because.)

Back to reality: my children.

Family time is sacred around here.  With Ben gone a lot, we make good use of his time when he is home.  You know, I make sure he changes ALL their diapers.  He takes care of bath times.  (I really hate bath time.  Is that a crime to admit?)  He plays and cuddles and reads while I kick back and enjoy their interactions from a reasonable distance (i.e. the couch).  Yeah.  I lead a good life.

Seriously, though, this man rocks.  Have I said that lately?  If not, it's high time I extol his many excellent attributes.  He stays up late, wakes up early, and still offers to help me with the babies at night.  He loves his children so much that it makes me cry.  I am one lucky gal to have snatched this guy for Eternity.  On top of all that, he is studying hard in school AND for the MCAT.  He takes that test in a week and a half.  I am so proud of him.  I don't mean to brag...OK I do...but the fact that he has two kids, attends school full-time, works part-time, volunteers, shadows a doctor, and still brings in excellent grades stuns me.  There you have it, folks: he is absolutely amazing.

I think that's enough from me today.