Lately, as I'm completing repetitive chores, I find memories dripping out of my brain like a leaky faucet. Rather than wait for that perfect moment to fix the leak, I have my wrench in hand and am writing them down as they wash over me.
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When pregnant with each child, and vomiting at every turn of my head, my hollow stomach would ache with hunger and thirst - mostly thirst - pains. Several times a day, I'd hunch over the porcelain god or bowl and wail horrible, nasty tears. The kind that drench your face, turn your cheeks red, and embarrass those around you. I'd often mumble to a clearly distressed Ben how I'd just like to eat something and not immediately throw it up.
In those scarce moments when I felt slightly less nauseated, Ben would ask to me any food I wanted. "Please, just eat something!" he'd beg. When pregnant with Andrew, I desperately acquiesced: "Onion rings! I just want onion rings." That's what he made me. I've yet to eat onion rings that tasted as heavenly as those did that night.
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When pregnant with Emily, and the blasted all day and all night nausea/vomiting petered off (I still threw up every morning), I craved cottage cheese like butterflies crave nectar. I ate, and I'm slightly ashamed to admit this, 1 full carton each afternoon.
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Today I was making myself some onion dip (part of my healthy eating resolution, yo) and suddenly I was back in the small, broken kitchen table at our tiny basement apartment on Ash avenue. There I sat, nausea waves crashing over me, and wrote paper after paper for my last semester at BYU. Emily was crawling around me - barely 7 months at the time - and Andrew wiggled inside my womb. Ben was in California for an internship awaiting all three of us to join him. Next to me sat an identical bowl to the one I used today full of the same creamy deliciousness. I'd dip salty potato chips into the delectable mixture and relish each bite.
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I can't explain the cravings I had while pregnant, though lack of any fat on my body probably played a big role, but those memories of what I ate bring a smile to my face. Perhaps because I know now what lay in store for me at the end of each horrific pregnancy.
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